So, recently I’ve been listening to podcasts because I’m tired of thinking.
I’m trying this new thing where I fill my brain with good and varied things to have fresh (and healthy) thoughts instead of repetitive ones that keep me in the same place I was months ago.
I’m also testing a theory that listening to podcasts would make me a better listener, and I just feel like listening to music always gives me way too much space to ruminate.
Over the course of the last couple days, I’ve been listening to Anything Goes by Emma Chamberlain simply because she is my favorite person ever (aside from Philippe Petit and Juila Roberts, of course).
I listened in on an episode where she spoke on how we oft veer from stepping outside our comfort zones because we fear the vulnerability of discomfort that comes with it.
I feel as if we, as a collective human species, tend to seek any way to not feel any negative emotion. Which is a fair goal; I’d take feeling comfortable over embarrassed any day.
In all honesty, I feel as if I constructed an entire personality veering from any form of vulnerability.
Today, the most embarrassing thing happened to me at work, so much so that I had to leave early because the circumstances demanded it.
I’d write to you what it is, but I know, undeniably, I’d regret it shortly after.
Trust me, it’s not a pretty story, let’s just leave it at that.
With this situation, I had two options: pull my manager aside and bashfully tell her what happened, most likely tearing up as embarrassment took over the color of my face, or tell my manager with everyone around, free to listen in.
I chose option two.
I laughed all the way home because the look everyone gave me was akin to a sentiment of Did she really just say that?
Regardless of the option I chose, I faced a negative emotion since placing myself amidst vulnerability.
Paradoxically, though, I took the wheel from embarrassment and shame and threw them in the trunk.
For starters, I got to come home early on a Saturday, which are considered my “Fridays.”
Secondly, I accepted and welcomed the inevitable of negative emotions and found myself laughing about the situation with everyone…you know, once they stopped blankly staring at me with subtle terror.
I have a deep-rooted fear of vulnerability that may possibly never entirely go away; when I was telling everyone what happened, I was shaking.
What I learned, not only from completely humiliating myself, but also from Emma Chamberlain, is that befriending inevitable emotions and fears, and what could go wrong and discomfort only helps us A) Grow, but also B) Take control of our negative emotions before they attempt to completely devour us.
1,000%, if I chose the first option in telling my manager privately about what happened, I’d be sitting at home indulging in even more negative emotions than just embarrassment.
In a sum, negative emotions are your friend to work with, not an enemy to run away from.